As promised, here’s my recap of Wizard World Texas 2003, as best as I can remember:

 

12:00 PM to 7:00 PM Friday, November 21: Day One of the con kicks off and many cool things happen.  Unfortunately, I am apart of none of them, as my sorry ass is stuck in Austin counting pills until 5 o’clock.

5:30 PM: I’m struck with the very depressing realization that all the stuff I wanted to take to get signed just isn’t going to fit.

7:00 PM: I, and every other asshole with a car in Austin, simultaneously make for I -35 North.

 
10:30 PM: I get to my folks place in Keller, one of the more narcissistic suburbs within the greater metropolitan area of Fort Worth.  I spend the next hour or so sorting through the various comics I’ve brought with me, trying to figure out which ones to take on Saturday and which ones on Sunday.  After that, I try to fall asleep while brimming with Christmas Eve-like excitement for the next morning.

 
8:00 AM, Saturday, November 22: I get my wake up call, and spend the next 15 minutes or so unsuccessfully trying to reach escape velocity from the gravitational pull of my bed.

 
8:40 AM: Eggs and turkey bacon, baby.  Breakfast of champions.

 
9:00 AM: Armed with a fuckload of comics, a couple of DVD’s, my ticket, and Mapquest directions, I depart eastward for Arlington.

 
9:30 AM: I arrive on-site earlier than I figured, and am immediately greeted by the sight of The Ballpark in Arlington, glorious monument to sporting failure that it is.  I drive right past the fucker to the Arlington Convention Center parking lot.

 
9:45 AM: I finally get to the end of the line for entrance into the show, located somewhere between the Bolivian-Argentinean border.  I get stuck between a pair of thirty-something retards debating the merits of the various Star Trek series (I don’t care if they were right, anybody planning to spend two hundred-plus dollars on a goddamn lightsaber replica is a retard!) and a pair of teens dieing to fellate Kevin Smith’s ego.  Meanwhile, the head security guard, an unshaven goat about my size with roughly twenty extra pounds of muscle and approximately one hundred extra pounds of gut, walks up and down the human daisy chain barking orders as if he was worth a damn.

 

10:00 AM: I finally arrive inside the convention and achieve geek Nirvana.  It’s just so damn big!  I force myself to do the smart thing and spend some time just locating where everything is, including the ATM.

 
10:15 AM: My first of many impulse buys takes place over at the Aspen Entertainment booth, where I purchase the Aspen Sketchbook, featuring work from both Michael Turner and Talent Caldwell.

 
10:30 AM: I meet up with my friend Tony and his uncle Rick, who has brought some amazing Golden and Silver Age books to sale and/or trade.  We overhear that writer Kurt Busiek will show at 11 AM to sign books and promote the new Conan series over at the Dark Horse booth.  We plant ourselves right in front of it.

 
11:05 AM: Busiek shows a little late, but he does show.  Proving that I too am a huge nerd, I confess to Busiek that Astro City #1/2 is still one of my favorite comics nearly eight years after it was first published.

 
11:10 AM: Completely randomly, artist George Perez drops by the line, graciously offering to sign copies of the Busiek-penned JLA/Avengers series that he finally got to draw after two decades of delays.

 
11:25 AM: Most of the other booths are either devoid of celebrities (well, comics celebrities anyway) or completely slammed.  I take the opportunity to chat with writer/artist David Mack about his title Kabuki, which I had just recently read.  I pick up a couple of Kabuki collections, one of which Mack lets me have at a reduced price since I don’t have correct change.

 
11:35 AM: I make my way to the Artists’ Alley section of the con, conveniently shoved in the back corner of the show.  I commission a couple of art pieces from Bernard Chang (which earns me a pair of raffle tickets for an upcoming drawing jam to be held at 5:30 PM) and unknown talent Ruben Deluna, and I also purchase/receive a bunch of other promo comics from various guys wanting to get into the Industry.

 
11:50 AM: At the very end of one of the Artists’ rows sits a large-breasted woman peddling “adult comics” which apparently feature her “likeness.”  Words fail me; laughter does not.

 
12:00 PM: I wonder around aimlessly for a bit, trying to figure out which booth I should get in line for.  Jim Lee is set to make an appearance later, but it’s pretty clear that he won’t be sketching, just signing.  The same goes for Michael Turner.  Marc Silvestri will be sketching, but his start time gets pushed back to 1 PM.

 
12:05 PM: I do, however, pick up an early copy of Wanted #1 over at the Top Cow booth, which nets me another raffle ticket.

 
12:15 PM: I hit the View Askew booth, figuring that to even have a chance of getting autographs from Kevin Smith I’ll need to be in line way the fuck early.  The problem is, no one at his booth has any fucking clue when, or if, Smith will show outside of his scheduled panel later in the afternoon.

 
12:20 PM: While I’m trying to get the attention of one of the View Askew cretins so that I can buy a Chasing Amy art piece, rumor begins to circulate that Smith and pal Jason Mewes will arrive shortly for a signing session.  I get in what I believe to be the line for this event.

 
12:35 PM: It becomes painfully clear that no one at the View Askew booth has any idea what the fuck is going on.  As the Wizard lackeys try to organize the swelling ranks of the non-line that I’m ashamed to admit I was part of, a second rumor begins to make the rounds which holds that Smith is actually already there, hiding within the seven foot tall box covered by curtains that sits in the middle of the booth, purportedly “smoking a bowl.” 

 
12:40 PM: Some crazy teenaged blond girl gets overly excited and cries out “We love you, Kevin Smith!”  Suddenly, I’m reminded of the Bon Jovi concerts of the mid-80’s, except that instead of cheering for Bon Jovi, we were cheering for a seven foot tall box covered with curtains that may or may not have contained a fat man in a trench coat.

 
12:45 PM: Just as things really start to get out of hand, a Wizard line monkey restores order by informing the crowd that Jason Mewes, and only Jason Mewes, will be signing at 2 PM.  Problem is, the back half of the line (if you can even call it that) is informed first, so the early idiots (including yours truly) are accidentally screwed when the line is reformed elsewhere.  I admit I was disappointed, but I’m proud of myself for not throwing a fit like the dumbfuck behind me.

 
12:50 PM: Tony and I get in the Mewes-only line.

 
12:55 PM: Tony and I decide to sit down in the Mewes-only line.  The rest of the human dominoes follow suit.

 
1:00 PM: The utter ridiculousness of waiting for over two hours to get Jason “You are the ones who are the ball-lickers!” Mewes’ autograph hits us like a freight train, and we decide to go get in line for Marc Silvestri.  It occurs to me that there is no way in hell that’ll get to meet Kevin Smith this weekend, when clearly over half of the attendees are there for him and him alone.

 
1:03 PM: The line for Marc Silvestri is already stretching to Phoenix, AZ.  We decide to go get lunch and try again later.

 
1:30 PM: After I drive around in circles for a good fifteen minutes or so, we manage to get to a Joe’s Crab Shack.

 
1:45 PM: As we eat shrimp and talk comics, the three of us are treated to the end of Ohio State’s championship hopes at the hands of Michigan.

 
2:40 PM: We arrive back at the con, and my backpack is significantly lighter now.  I get in line for Silvestri again, which really hasn’t shortened in length.  Tony decides to try for Jim Lee and heads off with some of my Batman comics.

 
2:45 PM: I’m joined by a father and son combo.  Father is very cool, and Son’s enthusiasm for the con is infectious.  I spend much of the rest of the hour chatting with them.  In this time span, I traverse about ten feet.

 
3:15 PM: I’m about halfway through the line now, and Ricky shows up with three newly signed Batman comics for me.

 
3:25 PM: I’m actually standing next to the booth at this point, and it suddenly dawns on me that I have no idea what the hell I’m going to get Silvestri to sketch for me. 

 
3:40 PM: Top Cow staffer Matt Hawkins sets out a preview copy of Silvestri’s upcoming New X-Men issue.  The final two pages feature a panel of the White Queen.  I now know what Silvestri will be drawing for me.

 
3:50 PM: I can actually see Silvestri now.  While still waiting, I get a chance to ask Hawkins when, if ever, Top Cow plans to publish the final issues of Rising Stars.  Hawkins, to his credit, gives an upfront, no bull-shit answer.  The conclusion, for those of you also curious, is due in summer 2004.

 
4:00 PM: Silvestri signs my comics and does a beautiful head sketch for me.  The last hour and a half of my life is totally worth it.

 
4:05 PM: I now have to figure out what the hell to do with the rest of the remaining day.

 
4:15 PM: It’s now obvious that just about everyone has closed up shop for the day.  I basically wander around a bit, trying to kill time.

 
4:20 PM: I spot George Perez for the umpteenth time running around by himself.  How the hell he managed to get around all day unmolested is beyond me.

 
4:30 PM: While trying to decide if I want to buy a soda or not, I bump into Tom Reidy, who excitedly reports that he managed to get his mini-comics into the hands of Kevin Smith.  Frankly, I’m just impressed he managed to see Kevin Smith.

 
4:40 PM: Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jim Lee with his name badge turned over and his baseball hat jammed down (a disguise that was about as effective as a giraffe walking around in dark sunglasses), heading for Artist’s Alley.  I spend the next ten minutes actually stalking him (yes, I hate myself for it), in the vain hope that he’ll sit down and start drawing for a bit.

 
5:10 PM: The drawing jam session held by Bernard Chang, John Paul Leon, and Sean Chen gets under way.  The first drawing, a head sketch of Elektra, is done by Chen.  The second piece, a drawing of the Silver Surfer by Leon, comes next, and lo and behold, I win it.  This is followed by Chang’s rendition of Carnage . . . which I also miraculously win with my second, and final, raffle ticket.  Fearing death at the hands of a dork mob, I flee with my bounty.

 
5:40 PM: I purchase a replica of a Michael Turner piece at the Top Cow booth and receive yet another raffle ticket. 

 
5:50 PM: The Top Cow raffle starts.  Three ticket numbers are called out, then a fourth, which matches one of mine until the final digit.  The sixth number does the same thing with my other ticket.  After two near wins (and subsequent heart attacks) someone else wins the blasted thing.

 
6:00 PM: Day Two comes to a close, and I head for home.

 
9:00 PM: I spend much of the night reading the various comics I received during the day, the best of which happens to be Conan #0, beautifully illustrated by Cary Nord.

 
9:00 AM, Sunday, November 23: Same deal as before, only this time I’ve learned from the events of yesterday and plan my day accordingly.

 
10:45 AM: I haven’t learned a goddamn thing.  For some reason, it strikes me as a good idea to arrive closer to the show’s start time, and thus I start further back in line.  The only good thing is that a cold front came in the evening before, and the line is inside this morning.

 
10:50 AM: Some guy is wearing an identical version of the X-Men jackets that the characters from the comic now wear per the 2001 revamp.  I’ve always liked that design, and thought that a real one would be very cool.  I am very, very wrong.

 
11:00 AM: The floor opens, and an announcement goes out that the Wizard booth will be distributing tickets to a Kevin Smith signing session for later in the day.  The tickets run out long before I can even think about getting one. 

 
11:05 AM: I plant myself in front of Sean Chen’s spot, determined to get a commission piece, come hell or high water.

 
11:15 AM: Chen and friends finally show, looking like they’ve been up way too late the previous night.

 
11:18 AM: Chen seems somewhat reluctant to take on the commission, not due to time constraints, but rather from what I perceive to be a fear that he thinks I want a nice, polished piece.  I convince him that a normal sketch is just fine with me.

 
11:40 AM: Chen gets hit up for a thousand other things, but manages to draw me a rather bad-ass Rachel pin-up all the same.

 
11:45 AM: It’s already abundantly clear that the crowd is much thinner today, which is great.  The problem is that all of the various signings all take place between noon and 2 PM, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to have pick just one.

 
11:47 AM: I discover that both Michael Turner and Talent Caldwell will be sketching today at the Aspen booth.  I get in the line that is already forming.

 
11:50 AM: I get lucky as hell and wind up in line with a pair of very cool, very normal art students from Dallas.  Shit, one of them even had a girlfriend!  I chat with them during the considerable wait.

 
12:05 PM: Michael Turner, who looks a lot like a taller version of the Survivor/Schick Cuatro guy, appears with a slight but noticeable limp, a sobering reminder that his battle with cancer two years ago wasn’t a complete victory.

 
12:45 PM: One of the art students asks Turner for a Daredevil sketch, a character he really hasn’t drawn before.  I happen to have a copy of Daredevil on me (I was hoping to get it signed by Kevin Smith and Joe Quesada), and am able to help out with some reference.  I’m both proud and ashamed of being proud all at once.

 
1:00 PM: It’s my turn now, and I rather timidly hit Turner up for a head sketch of Rachel.  He draws it, in ink!, while listening to one of his buddies recount last night’s pool match.

 
1:10 PM: While I wait my turn for Talent Caldwell, a pair of fools began bitching about the inconsistencies between the Spider-Man and Hulk movies and the Spider-Man and Hulk comics. Fortunately, there are no sharp objects for with which me to stab them.

 
1:20 PM: Caldwell does an absolutely gorgeous head sketch of Suzie.  The day is already an unbridled success.

 
1:30 PM: The Jim Lee, Joe Quesada, and Allison Mack (the actress from television’s Smallville) lines are all now in lockdown.  I choose Turner and I stand by that choice.

 
1:40 PM: I happen to recognize Scott Kurtz’s wife (how sick is that?) while I’m at the concession stand getting a five dollar chilli dog.  The Kurtz’s were clearly taking a break from their booth, so I let them be, resolving to talk to them after lunch.

 
2:00 PM: My overly expensive lunch is finished, and I hit the PVP booth to say hello more than anything else.  I discover to my dismay that Kurtz’s father had been at the booth yesterday (that man is so damn funny!), and that I missed him.  Brandon Peterson late of CrossGen, is also there pimping his Chimera sketchbook (which I, naturally, purchase) and his recent exclusive contract with Marvel Comics.  He confesses, with quite a bit of excitement, that his first title with the company will be a new Dr. Strange series with J. Michael Straczynski.  This title will, obviously, kick much ass.

 
2:15 PM:  I head back to Artist’s Alley for the last time to pick up my Bernard Chang commission, which he’s actually just finishing.

 
2:30 PM: Virtually all of the booth signings are completed by this time, and all that remains that sounds cool is a second Allison Mack appearance and a “Cinematic Comics” seminar by Michael Turner, both of which begin at 3 PM.  Since I have nothing for Miss Mack to sign (except for maybe my chest), I opt for another hour with Turner and make my way over to the appointed conference room.

 
2:35 PM: There are several dumb looking guys waiting in the hall for the Michael Turner workshop, or so I thought.  It turns out that these guys got a “hot tip” that Kevin Smith would be walking by after his signing got through. 

 
2:45 PM: Well, I’ll be damned; the nerds are right.  Unbeknownst to me, Jason Mewes walks straight by me, sans long hair and looking shorter than I thought he would.  I wouldn’t have even realized it was him if he hadn’t asked someone where the bathroom was.

 
2:48 PM: Allison Mack and a man I presume to be her boyfriend walk by, followed by the security goat.

 
2:50 PM: A guy whose girlfriend is waiting in the hall next to me strides up to her and proudly gushes that he just pissed next to Jason Mewes.

 
2:54 PM: Celebrity Red Rover continues as Allison Mack walks right back down the hallway.  I wonder aloud why the hell I just didn’t stand here all weekend long.

 
2:56 PM: I turn away for just a moment, and am startled by the sound of numerous flash bulbs.  Apparently, Kevin Smith did indeed try to leave down this same magic hallway before realizing that it was being staked out.  Either that, or he saw his shadow, got scared, and ran back into his hole, dooming the world to another six weeks without Spider-Man/Black Cat #3.

 
3:05 PM: Turner shows up a little late again, but the seminar is a blast.  Turner runs it pretty informally, with plenty of room for questions, random tangents, jokes, and interesting story-telling theory.

 
3:45 PM: My friend calls me on my cell phone, and for the first time in my life I become “that guy.”

 
4:00 PM: The seminar concludes and effectively, for me at any rate, so does the con.  I run down the various aisles on the floor one last time to make sure I didn’t miss anything, and get a quick autograph from writer Paul Dini. 

 
4:15 PM: I head from home, secure in the knowledge that WizardWorld will be back next October and that I can try for a Jim Lee sketch again then.

Seno
12/17/03

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